I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
