i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
