I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
