Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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