I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
