I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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