You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
