Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
