found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
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We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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