He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
