this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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