If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
