I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
