My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
