I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
