marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
