FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
