Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
