Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
