her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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