I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We had sex on a dog bed..
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
