In the future we'll all be gay
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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