Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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