Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
