I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
