Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i drank out of a bidet.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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