Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
