? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
