in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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