I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
