Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
