Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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