Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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