yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
