So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
