ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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