Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
