It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
