let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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