apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
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He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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