So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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