You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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