just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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