if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
