please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
