Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
