I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
