PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
