My friends, they love my intelligence
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
