need another drink. this is the easiest way
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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