Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
