i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
