I love having hate sex.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
