if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
