I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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