I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
