He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.