I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.