Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
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Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.