and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I could fuck to npr.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low