i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.