i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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