i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
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masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize