I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
