You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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