Don't make out with my wife yet
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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