i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
