he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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