Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
