go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
