I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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