he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
