end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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