I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
