no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
