Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
