How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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