i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
