Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
